It was midnight. I was up late, burning the midnight oil. As usual, I hadn’t studied enough beforehand and the exam was in a few days time. I was nodding off in front of my books when I suddenly heard a rude knocking on the door.
“Buh!” I exclaimed, waking from my stupor. At first I wasn’t sure what to do, but the knocking grew more insistent. Unable to contain my curiosity any longer, I tiptoed towards the door and opened it a crack. A bent old hag squinted at me.
“Hello dearie,” she said. “Buy a poisoned apple from a poor old woman?”
I rolled my eyes. “D’you think I was born yesterday?” I said. “You keep that poisoned apple for gullible girls like Snow White.”
I slammed the door shut. More knocking ensued. I sighed and opened the door again. “Go away you old crone,” I began... and was surprised to see a wet, bedraggled little girl at the front door.
“Please,” she said, “I sought shelter at the house yonder but they wouldn’t remove the pea from the bottom of the mattresses, and I couldn’t lift them myself, and I couldn’t get to sleep either…”
I felt sorry for her. She looked so miserable. However, I couldn’t be sure that it wasn’t a wicked witch in disguise so I stalled for time. “Give me a minute,” I said, and shut the door. When I opened it again, there was nobody there. The only sounds that could be heard were the whispering of the wind through the trees and a haunting voice singing in a Native American accent, “listen with your heart, you will understand”.
I shook my head. That enchanted tree would be the death of me one day. I shut the door and went back to my work. There was still another 7000 years of Chinese History to go through. It was an upsetting thought.
Just as I sat down, I heard more knocking. This was beginning to be irritating, so I stumped over to the door and flung it open.
“What?!” I barked.
A very big dog dressed in a nightie blinked back at me.
“I’m your grandma,” it whined. “Don’t you recognise your old granny?”
“Oh, don’t be ridiculous,” I snapped. “I’ve had it up to here with you lot, chapping on the door while I’m trying to study and going on about poisoned apples and peas and grandmothers. Anyway, what makes you think you look even remotely like my grandmother, supposing she was still around? She never wore a nightie and her ears weren’t so big and she most certainly didn’t have, ugh, halitosis like you.”
The very big dog narrowed its eyes. “Right,” it growled, rolling up its sleeves. “I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down.”
I opened my mouth to retort, but to my shock and horror, all that came out was a shrill “not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!” I whipped my head back and saw a pink, curly tail stuck fast to me. The very big dog lunged at my fat little trotters and I squealed like a stuck pig. I struggled and thrashed and…
…awoke to see the grey light of dawn. An angry cat glared at me, his tail lashing back and forth. Without warning, he pounced on my leg, biting hard. I beat him off and fed him some cat food.
All this while, a wave of relief was sweeping over me. It had been nothing but a dream! I told myself sternly that I would have to stop reading so many fairy tales and eating so much cheese for dinner. It was at this point that I realised I was late and rushed to get myself ready for school.
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