Monday, June 21, 2010
Mrs Tan Goes Driving
Mrs Tan had not driven for a very long time. Like many before her, she had gotten a driving license but hadn’t driven after that because she was scared. As she always said to Mr Tan, “They go too fast!” In vain did Mr Tan explain to her that 80kmph was not “too fast”.
“You also go too fast!” was her usual response. Nevertheless, she kept her licence renewed on Mr Tan’s advice.
One day, much to her dismay, she had to go to a function at a time that Mr Tan would be away on a business trip. Mr Tan didn’t want her to take a taxi as the function would finish late and he worried for her safety. There was nothing for it but to drive on her own.
Mrs Tan needed to practise and so every day, Mr and Mrs Tan went out driving. The first day, Mrs Tan stalled the car.
It happened at the traffic lights – they had just turned green and Mrs Tan was carefully putting the car in gear when an impatient honk sounded from behind. She got flustered and with a nasty jerk, the car stalled. At that, she got even more flustered and started mumbling to herself, but Mr Tan calmly got her to start the car again and all went well for the rest of the practice session.
The next day, Mrs Tan drove down the Federal highway. She drove slowly and carefully. It was with great difficulty that Mr Tan managed to coax her to drive a bit faster at 60kmph but she would go no faster than that.
In fact, even at that speed, she kept worrying that she was going too fast and braked every five seconds. Mr Tan began to get quite carsick after a while and worked in earnest to wean her off this habit. And so the second day passed.
On the third day, Mrs Tan felt more confident. She got past the traffic lights without stalling; she drove down the road without braking every five seconds; as a matter of fact, she was beginning to enjoy herself and even considered driving a bit faster at 80kmph!!
With a recklesss look in her eyes, she pressed the accelerator down. The speedometer crept to 65… then 70… then 75… and then she noticed the tractor ahead. Mr Tan told her to overtake but she panicked! There were so many cars on the next lane! Oh, she couldn’t do it! She just couldn’t!
The car went slower and slower, as Mrs Tan diverted her attention to looking for an opportunity to overtake. Before she knew it, they were trundling behind the tractor at 40kmph with no chance of overtaking. Mr Tan had long given up and was resignedly watching the traffic go by. They got home half an hour later that day.
On the fourth day, Mrs Tan was ready for the practice drive to the function hall. She was in high spirits. She felt as if she was finally getting the hang of it! In addition, she had on her new white driving gloves and arm protectors to keep her sensitive skin from being sunburned.
“Fasten your seatbelts,” she said to Mr Tan and her imaginary passengers as they set off. Today, she felt relaxed enough to turn on the radio. It seemed to be broken as she couldn’t hear anything. Unperturbed, Mrs Tan turned up the volume to Very Loud. “Ha. Now can hear,” she said.
She didn’t see Mr Tan holding both hands over his ears and quietly reaching for the knob to turn down the volume. She only noticed that the music had become softer and wiggled her little finger in her ear to clear it. It came out covered in earwax, which she wiped off on the door.
And so the day of the function arrived. Mrs Tan was all alone. She set out two hours early just in case. Now that Mr Tan was not by her side, she was very nervous. She talked to herself all the time she was in the car.
“Ok, you can do it. You can do it. Ok, put the car in gear. Ha, like that. Go slow, go slow, got traffic lights. Aiyaaa, careful that car. Ok, faster faster a bit, we need to go right lane now. Aaah!” Mrs Tan let forth a string of expletives as a car cut in front of her suddenly.
She moved back to the left lane as soon as possible where she felt safe and drove slowly. A few lorries overtook her. Much later, the function hall came into view. Mrs Tan breathed a sigh of relief. She signalled right as cars piled up behind her patiently waiting for her to turn right. 500m later, she turned left instead into the entrance, and wondered why she heard so many angry honks behind her.
She had made it! Now she only had to park. It was a big parking lot. Mrs Tan drove and drove until she found a space where she could drive straight in. It was right at the end, but she didn’t mind the distance. As there was still time and no one watching, she reversed and readjusted the car three times before she was satisfied.
Mrs Tan did a little victory chant and patted herself on the back. Then she got out of the car and found to her utmost disappointment, that after her careful readjustments, the car was now parked at a terribly crooked angle. Mrs Tan sighed and thought to herself, “Nevermind lah, I guess people will think I’m rushing just now…”
Since that day, Mrs Tan has been much braver and driven more and more. However, she still does not dare to park. If she has to drive somewhere where she foresees difficulty in parking, she selects one of three options:
1) Park far, far away.
2) Take a bus.
3) Don’t go.
“You also go too fast!” was her usual response. Nevertheless, she kept her licence renewed on Mr Tan’s advice.
One day, much to her dismay, she had to go to a function at a time that Mr Tan would be away on a business trip. Mr Tan didn’t want her to take a taxi as the function would finish late and he worried for her safety. There was nothing for it but to drive on her own.
Mrs Tan needed to practise and so every day, Mr and Mrs Tan went out driving. The first day, Mrs Tan stalled the car.
It happened at the traffic lights – they had just turned green and Mrs Tan was carefully putting the car in gear when an impatient honk sounded from behind. She got flustered and with a nasty jerk, the car stalled. At that, she got even more flustered and started mumbling to herself, but Mr Tan calmly got her to start the car again and all went well for the rest of the practice session.
The next day, Mrs Tan drove down the Federal highway. She drove slowly and carefully. It was with great difficulty that Mr Tan managed to coax her to drive a bit faster at 60kmph but she would go no faster than that.
In fact, even at that speed, she kept worrying that she was going too fast and braked every five seconds. Mr Tan began to get quite carsick after a while and worked in earnest to wean her off this habit. And so the second day passed.
On the third day, Mrs Tan felt more confident. She got past the traffic lights without stalling; she drove down the road without braking every five seconds; as a matter of fact, she was beginning to enjoy herself and even considered driving a bit faster at 80kmph!!
With a recklesss look in her eyes, she pressed the accelerator down. The speedometer crept to 65… then 70… then 75… and then she noticed the tractor ahead. Mr Tan told her to overtake but she panicked! There were so many cars on the next lane! Oh, she couldn’t do it! She just couldn’t!
The car went slower and slower, as Mrs Tan diverted her attention to looking for an opportunity to overtake. Before she knew it, they were trundling behind the tractor at 40kmph with no chance of overtaking. Mr Tan had long given up and was resignedly watching the traffic go by. They got home half an hour later that day.
On the fourth day, Mrs Tan was ready for the practice drive to the function hall. She was in high spirits. She felt as if she was finally getting the hang of it! In addition, she had on her new white driving gloves and arm protectors to keep her sensitive skin from being sunburned.
“Fasten your seatbelts,” she said to Mr Tan and her imaginary passengers as they set off. Today, she felt relaxed enough to turn on the radio. It seemed to be broken as she couldn’t hear anything. Unperturbed, Mrs Tan turned up the volume to Very Loud. “Ha. Now can hear,” she said.
She didn’t see Mr Tan holding both hands over his ears and quietly reaching for the knob to turn down the volume. She only noticed that the music had become softer and wiggled her little finger in her ear to clear it. It came out covered in earwax, which she wiped off on the door.
And so the day of the function arrived. Mrs Tan was all alone. She set out two hours early just in case. Now that Mr Tan was not by her side, she was very nervous. She talked to herself all the time she was in the car.
“Ok, you can do it. You can do it. Ok, put the car in gear. Ha, like that. Go slow, go slow, got traffic lights. Aiyaaa, careful that car. Ok, faster faster a bit, we need to go right lane now. Aaah!” Mrs Tan let forth a string of expletives as a car cut in front of her suddenly.
She moved back to the left lane as soon as possible where she felt safe and drove slowly. A few lorries overtook her. Much later, the function hall came into view. Mrs Tan breathed a sigh of relief. She signalled right as cars piled up behind her patiently waiting for her to turn right. 500m later, she turned left instead into the entrance, and wondered why she heard so many angry honks behind her.
She had made it! Now she only had to park. It was a big parking lot. Mrs Tan drove and drove until she found a space where she could drive straight in. It was right at the end, but she didn’t mind the distance. As there was still time and no one watching, she reversed and readjusted the car three times before she was satisfied.
Mrs Tan did a little victory chant and patted herself on the back. Then she got out of the car and found to her utmost disappointment, that after her careful readjustments, the car was now parked at a terribly crooked angle. Mrs Tan sighed and thought to herself, “Nevermind lah, I guess people will think I’m rushing just now…”
Since that day, Mrs Tan has been much braver and driven more and more. However, she still does not dare to park. If she has to drive somewhere where she foresees difficulty in parking, she selects one of three options:
1) Park far, far away.
2) Take a bus.
3) Don’t go.
The Tans - 3041 Years In The Future
The year was 5050. The descendents of the Tan Family had survived the many disasters and catastrophes that Earth had gone through, and lived to bear the name of Tan proudly into the 51st century.
And so, one gloriously sunny day in 5050, the Tan Family woke up to the jolly chirping of the birds. Mrs Tan was down first. She was the fastest to get dressed ever since her husband had got her her wardrobe assistant for Christmas. This was a smart little gadget that would randomly piece together the clothes in her cupboard to create a smart, tasteful outfit. All Mrs Tan had to do was to press a button, and follow the advice of the wardrobe assistant. She no longer had to sit on her bed and stare at her cupboard for hours, trying to decide what to wear.
Once downstairs, she clapped her hands in a special sequence. The tea-maker came on and started to make tea. She then put some special dough mixture into the super-speed-bread-maker. In 10 minutes time, she was in the rooftop garden putting out hot chamomile tea and fresh hot rolls on the breakfast table. Ah Boy and Ah Girl were already there, looking to see which fresh fruit they could pluck from the many kinds of fruit trees they grew there. Mr Tan came last, yawning as he walked towards the table. He sat in his chair and turned on the hologram screen where he read the latest news.
It was a public holiday so Mr Tan did not have to go to work that day, and the children didn't have to go to school. While Mr Tan sat calmly, sipping his morning tea and reading the news, Ah Boy and Ah Girl finished their breakfast in a jiffy and ran downstairs to "do homework". They did take out their featherlight laptops that they brought to school. However, homework was the last thing on their agenda as they started playing computer games.
When breakfast was over, Mrs Tan collected the plates to put them in the dishwasher, and set the table to 'autoclean'. Then she ran to watch her online soap opera, answer emails and tend her virtual farm.
Around lunchtime, the Tans piled into Mr Tan's solar-powered car and went out for lunch and grocery shopping. But before that, they had to go to the optician's. In this day and age, opticians could be found on every corner, because, with the advancement in computers and technology, nearly everyone fell victim to short-sightedness and had to wear glasses.
Some things hadn't changed in more than 3000 years - the kids still hankered for McDonalds. And so McDonalds it was for lunch. Ah Boy was at the display case looking at the Happy Meal toys when a little boy rudely pushed his way in front of him. Ah Boy was furious, but nobody was looking except the boy’s mother who stared vacantly in his direction. Just then, she turned away. Ah Boy swiftly tripped the boy up, and then with unprecedented concern, helped him up again, smacking the boy as hard as he could, under the pretence of patting down his clothes. It was well-executed and Ah Boy came off as the hero of the day.
Ah Girl wasn't so lucky. They had gone straight to the supermarket after lunch, and she was trying to get a packet of crisps that was right at the back of the shelf. It was an accident waiting to happen. With a crash, all the crisps fell down. Quick as lightning, Ah Girl snatched the crisps she was looking for and scuttled away like a frightened rabbit. Ah Boy was standing some way away, but instead of helping to put the crisps back, he just stood there and guffawed, until Ah Girl sneaked up from behind and gave him a kick.
Finally, The Tans had bought everything they needed, and much more that they didn't need. They piled it all into their environmentally-friendly foldable trolley and headed back to the car, stopping for ice-cream on the way. Mrs Tan loved ice-cream. She lagged behind, eating hers slowly. And then, tragedy struck. Somebody rushing past knocked her elbow violently. Her ice-cream cone fell out of her hand and landed with a splat on the floor. Mrs Tan stared in disbelief at the mess on the floor that had been her highlight of the day... and then quickly ran away because she didn't want to clean up or let anybody know that it was her ice-cream they were stepping on.
And so, another day passed for the Tan Family. That night, just before they went to bed, Mrs Tan threw out the rubbish. As it was particularly foul-smelling domestic waste, she threw it into the neighbour's dustbin, then washed her hands with peach-scented handwash and went to bed.
It was a new generation, but the same old Tans.
And so, one gloriously sunny day in 5050, the Tan Family woke up to the jolly chirping of the birds. Mrs Tan was down first. She was the fastest to get dressed ever since her husband had got her her wardrobe assistant for Christmas. This was a smart little gadget that would randomly piece together the clothes in her cupboard to create a smart, tasteful outfit. All Mrs Tan had to do was to press a button, and follow the advice of the wardrobe assistant. She no longer had to sit on her bed and stare at her cupboard for hours, trying to decide what to wear.
Once downstairs, she clapped her hands in a special sequence. The tea-maker came on and started to make tea. She then put some special dough mixture into the super-speed-bread-maker. In 10 minutes time, she was in the rooftop garden putting out hot chamomile tea and fresh hot rolls on the breakfast table. Ah Boy and Ah Girl were already there, looking to see which fresh fruit they could pluck from the many kinds of fruit trees they grew there. Mr Tan came last, yawning as he walked towards the table. He sat in his chair and turned on the hologram screen where he read the latest news.
It was a public holiday so Mr Tan did not have to go to work that day, and the children didn't have to go to school. While Mr Tan sat calmly, sipping his morning tea and reading the news, Ah Boy and Ah Girl finished their breakfast in a jiffy and ran downstairs to "do homework". They did take out their featherlight laptops that they brought to school. However, homework was the last thing on their agenda as they started playing computer games.
When breakfast was over, Mrs Tan collected the plates to put them in the dishwasher, and set the table to 'autoclean'. Then she ran to watch her online soap opera, answer emails and tend her virtual farm.
Around lunchtime, the Tans piled into Mr Tan's solar-powered car and went out for lunch and grocery shopping. But before that, they had to go to the optician's. In this day and age, opticians could be found on every corner, because, with the advancement in computers and technology, nearly everyone fell victim to short-sightedness and had to wear glasses.
Some things hadn't changed in more than 3000 years - the kids still hankered for McDonalds. And so McDonalds it was for lunch. Ah Boy was at the display case looking at the Happy Meal toys when a little boy rudely pushed his way in front of him. Ah Boy was furious, but nobody was looking except the boy’s mother who stared vacantly in his direction. Just then, she turned away. Ah Boy swiftly tripped the boy up, and then with unprecedented concern, helped him up again, smacking the boy as hard as he could, under the pretence of patting down his clothes. It was well-executed and Ah Boy came off as the hero of the day.
Ah Girl wasn't so lucky. They had gone straight to the supermarket after lunch, and she was trying to get a packet of crisps that was right at the back of the shelf. It was an accident waiting to happen. With a crash, all the crisps fell down. Quick as lightning, Ah Girl snatched the crisps she was looking for and scuttled away like a frightened rabbit. Ah Boy was standing some way away, but instead of helping to put the crisps back, he just stood there and guffawed, until Ah Girl sneaked up from behind and gave him a kick.
Finally, The Tans had bought everything they needed, and much more that they didn't need. They piled it all into their environmentally-friendly foldable trolley and headed back to the car, stopping for ice-cream on the way. Mrs Tan loved ice-cream. She lagged behind, eating hers slowly. And then, tragedy struck. Somebody rushing past knocked her elbow violently. Her ice-cream cone fell out of her hand and landed with a splat on the floor. Mrs Tan stared in disbelief at the mess on the floor that had been her highlight of the day... and then quickly ran away because she didn't want to clean up or let anybody know that it was her ice-cream they were stepping on.
And so, another day passed for the Tan Family. That night, just before they went to bed, Mrs Tan threw out the rubbish. As it was particularly foul-smelling domestic waste, she threw it into the neighbour's dustbin, then washed her hands with peach-scented handwash and went to bed.
It was a new generation, but the same old Tans.
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