Where I come from and how I come to be, I know not. As long as I can remember, I have been standing among my other dustbin friends in front of a block of student residences. We are all identical; large, green, and rectangular, with two wheels, a handle, and a lid on a hinge. Come wind, rain or sunshine, we do not flinch but stand firm and steady, always ready to carry out our duties.
Every day, students come to us to dispose of their daily refuse. Sometimes they put their large black bin bags in me, and sometimes in my friends, but on the whole we are all equally utilised. There have also been times when they have pushed some of us down the grassy slope just for fun. I am fortunate enough to have escaped this ill-treatment so far, but I have often watched in horror as my friends fell flat on their faces with their lids hanging open and their contents spilling out in a very undignified manner. It always saddens me to see any of my colleagues – good, respectable dustbins – treated like this.
Every other day, a dustbin truck trundles up the road to collect the rubbish from us. I always look forward to this occasion as I get to hang upside down from the bar of the rubbish truck and watch all the rubbish inside me tumble out. It is such fun! I am lucky not to be afraid of heights like some of my friends. They do not have much fun. In fact, on a bad day, they might turn positively green and feel ill for hours afterward.
We also have another frequent visitor. It is an old man. He comes to us to see if we have any food in us that he may share. Once, he had just taken out a quarter of a loaf of bread, half a bottle of milk and a tub with the last dredges of sandwich filler, when in a fit of mischief, my neighbour tried to shut his lid on the old man’s hand. I was very upset and scolded him straight away. Fortunately the old man was not hurt and he limped away with his findings. My heart went out to him as I watched him go; I suspected the bread was mouldy, the milk sour, and the sandwich filler gone off.
Not long after this occasion, two black-haired girls left a clear plastic bag with some food in it on top of me and scuttled off. The old man was nearby but he did not take the bag. I suppose he had pride too, and did not like to be pitied. Or perhaps he sensed the girls peeking from the window and felt embarrassed, although I knew they meant well.
And so each day passes. Seasons come and go; flowers bloom and wither. The students are different each year, yet we do not change. I am content with my job and content where I am; until the day I am retired, it is there that I shall stand.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Un-Model Essays 2005/6: A Day In The Life Of A Window-Cleaner
Every morning, Mr Winder gets up before the break of dawn. He swallows a quick breakfast of herbal tea and fruit before setting off to work in his white van with the words “Winder-Cleaner” painted on the side in big bold blue letters. As the sole window-cleaner of the university’s Halls of Residence, Mr Winder is invaluable. It is fortunate for them that he is so diligent.
Mr Winder arrives at the Halls very early. In consideration for the sleeping residents, he quietly lets himself into each unit to clean the kitchen and living room windows. Sometimes he is mistaken for a burglar but these occasions are few and far between. He then lets himself out as quietly as he came in and proceeds in this fashion until he has cleaned twenty units. It is then time for his tea break.
Mr Winder sits back in his van and puts his feet up on the steering wheel. He holds a coffee in one hand and a sandwich in the other. With half-lidded eyes, he watches the world go by. Soon, his tea break is over and he rouses himself to go back to work. Now, he must go back to all the twenty units and clean the bedroom windows. It is an exciting event, especially if the room belongs to a girl, as they are usually far too particular about cleanliness.
Mr Winder puts on his leather pouch and tips some soapy water into it. He slips a rather dirty-looking cloth into one of the pockets. Now, armed with his trusty sponge and wiper, he is ready for the bedroom windows. The first room he comes to is lived in by a girl.
As usual, the girl wrinkles up her nose as he walks in. He supposes it is an overreaction to the cloud of cigarette smoke that hangs about him. He gives her what he hopes is a winning smile and steps into her room. He takes her chair from her desk as per company protocol and places it with great care and precision right below the window.
He opens the window as wide as possible then climbs on the chair with his sturdy boots. He wipes the window once with the sponge that he has dipped into soapy water. Next, he wipes it off with the wiper. At this point, the soapy water has usually dripped onto the floor or anything nearby such as a jacket. This is, however, of little importance to Mr Winder as it does not interfere with the cleanliness of the window.
Nevertheless, to keep the girl happy, he attempts to mop up any water that has dripped on her chair with his cloth. When he is finished, he says “all right, love” and moves on to the next room. Behind him the sound of a vacuum cleaner ensues. This is usually followed by running water and the sound of a cloth being wrung.
After much hard work, Mr Winder finishes cleaning all the bedrooms in the twenty units. In keeping with his thrifty nature, he has managed to clean all hundred and twenty windows without changing the water once. He is now tired and looking forward to a hot dinner and an evening of telly then an early bed. The next day, he shall have another twenty units to clean.
Mr Winder arrives at the Halls very early. In consideration for the sleeping residents, he quietly lets himself into each unit to clean the kitchen and living room windows. Sometimes he is mistaken for a burglar but these occasions are few and far between. He then lets himself out as quietly as he came in and proceeds in this fashion until he has cleaned twenty units. It is then time for his tea break.
Mr Winder sits back in his van and puts his feet up on the steering wheel. He holds a coffee in one hand and a sandwich in the other. With half-lidded eyes, he watches the world go by. Soon, his tea break is over and he rouses himself to go back to work. Now, he must go back to all the twenty units and clean the bedroom windows. It is an exciting event, especially if the room belongs to a girl, as they are usually far too particular about cleanliness.
Mr Winder puts on his leather pouch and tips some soapy water into it. He slips a rather dirty-looking cloth into one of the pockets. Now, armed with his trusty sponge and wiper, he is ready for the bedroom windows. The first room he comes to is lived in by a girl.
As usual, the girl wrinkles up her nose as he walks in. He supposes it is an overreaction to the cloud of cigarette smoke that hangs about him. He gives her what he hopes is a winning smile and steps into her room. He takes her chair from her desk as per company protocol and places it with great care and precision right below the window.
He opens the window as wide as possible then climbs on the chair with his sturdy boots. He wipes the window once with the sponge that he has dipped into soapy water. Next, he wipes it off with the wiper. At this point, the soapy water has usually dripped onto the floor or anything nearby such as a jacket. This is, however, of little importance to Mr Winder as it does not interfere with the cleanliness of the window.
Nevertheless, to keep the girl happy, he attempts to mop up any water that has dripped on her chair with his cloth. When he is finished, he says “all right, love” and moves on to the next room. Behind him the sound of a vacuum cleaner ensues. This is usually followed by running water and the sound of a cloth being wrung.
After much hard work, Mr Winder finishes cleaning all the bedrooms in the twenty units. In keeping with his thrifty nature, he has managed to clean all hundred and twenty windows without changing the water once. He is now tired and looking forward to a hot dinner and an evening of telly then an early bed. The next day, he shall have another twenty units to clean.
Un-Model Essays 2005/6: How To Make A Ham Sandwich
Making a ham sandwich is easy, and can be very cheap as well. To do this, you will need a slice of bread, sandwich spread, some ham, a few leaves of lettuce, and half a tomato. The bread can be obtained free from the dustbin if you know somebody who throws away the crust.
First, toast the bread. If you don’t have a toaster, you can put the bread on a clean, old aluminium pie tray, and grill it on the highest heat. When one side is crisp, turn it over and grill the other side. Do not use your hand unless you have iron fingers. Make sure you keep an eye on the bread as it gets burnt very easily when grilled in this way.
Next, cut the tomato into slices of 5mm thickness. (You may use a ruler or measuring tape, but it is not necessary.) This is best done on a plate or a chopping board rather than a bowl or that very dirty place next to the sink. Use a sharp knife for this as the skin of the tomato does not cut well with blunt knives. Do not cut yourself. Pull off a few leaves of lettuce and wash them thoroughly. If you only take one or two leaves, they might not be missed. However, if you go for extremes with greens and go for four or five leaves, it is best to buy your own lettuce.
After this, spread some sandwich spread on the toast. You may use the same knife that you sliced the tomato with so as to save water, soap and extra labour. Do not go overboard with the sandwich spread as you may feel as if you are eating nothing but sandwich spread if you do. Then, take out as much ham as will go unnoticed and place it neatly on the toast. Again, if you like to eat a lot of ham, you should buy your own box. Very cheap ‘value’ ham is obtainable, but bear in mind the old adage, “good thing no cheap; cheap thing no good”.
Now, arrange the tomato slices on top of the ham and finish with the lettuce leaves on the top. At this juncture, it must be explained that although termed a ham sandwich, the second slice of bread has been intentionally omitted – the ham can be sandwiched just as well between lettuce and toast. If you have followed the above instructions closely, you should now have a delicious ham sandwich.
First, toast the bread. If you don’t have a toaster, you can put the bread on a clean, old aluminium pie tray, and grill it on the highest heat. When one side is crisp, turn it over and grill the other side. Do not use your hand unless you have iron fingers. Make sure you keep an eye on the bread as it gets burnt very easily when grilled in this way.
Next, cut the tomato into slices of 5mm thickness. (You may use a ruler or measuring tape, but it is not necessary.) This is best done on a plate or a chopping board rather than a bowl or that very dirty place next to the sink. Use a sharp knife for this as the skin of the tomato does not cut well with blunt knives. Do not cut yourself. Pull off a few leaves of lettuce and wash them thoroughly. If you only take one or two leaves, they might not be missed. However, if you go for extremes with greens and go for four or five leaves, it is best to buy your own lettuce.
After this, spread some sandwich spread on the toast. You may use the same knife that you sliced the tomato with so as to save water, soap and extra labour. Do not go overboard with the sandwich spread as you may feel as if you are eating nothing but sandwich spread if you do. Then, take out as much ham as will go unnoticed and place it neatly on the toast. Again, if you like to eat a lot of ham, you should buy your own box. Very cheap ‘value’ ham is obtainable, but bear in mind the old adage, “good thing no cheap; cheap thing no good”.
Now, arrange the tomato slices on top of the ham and finish with the lettuce leaves on the top. At this juncture, it must be explained that although termed a ham sandwich, the second slice of bread has been intentionally omitted – the ham can be sandwiched just as well between lettuce and toast. If you have followed the above instructions closely, you should now have a delicious ham sandwich.
Un-Model Essays 2005/6: Spring Cleaning
Every year, when a special occasion arises, we carry out a major clean up of the house. This time, the annual spot check was just around the corner, motivating us to do a spot of spring-cleaning.
We started early in the morning, each of us selecting a different job. Em and Hil took the kitchen and living room while May took the bathroom. I picked the toilet. May turned on the radio to give us some music as we worked and we scrubbed away merrily.
I took to my job enthusiastically, scrubbing hard at the sink and the toilet bowl. They were soon sparkling white but the mosaic floor still stared at me dully, with black smudges between its white cracks. I contemplated it a moment, then rolled up my sleeves and set to it with brushes of various shapes and sizes and a cup of diluted multi-purpose cleaning liquid.
After about an hour of hard work, the floor was finally as spotless as I could manage. I looked at it with pride then got the mop and mopped up all the soap water as there was no drainage hole. I mopped it again with clean water for thoroughness sake, and then had a peek at the rest of the house.
Lo and behold, they had worked wonders. Em and Hil especially, with their inborn tidiness had made the living room spick-and-span. We beamed at each other happily and then I went to prepare my room for the inspection.
This was done rapidly as I shoved everything into the cupboard and under the bed. “Out of sight, out of mind,” I said to myself and proceeded to vacuum the room. When I had finished, I cast my eye over my handiwork and felt a sense of fulfilment surge within me. It had altogether been a fruitful morning.
We started early in the morning, each of us selecting a different job. Em and Hil took the kitchen and living room while May took the bathroom. I picked the toilet. May turned on the radio to give us some music as we worked and we scrubbed away merrily.
I took to my job enthusiastically, scrubbing hard at the sink and the toilet bowl. They were soon sparkling white but the mosaic floor still stared at me dully, with black smudges between its white cracks. I contemplated it a moment, then rolled up my sleeves and set to it with brushes of various shapes and sizes and a cup of diluted multi-purpose cleaning liquid.
After about an hour of hard work, the floor was finally as spotless as I could manage. I looked at it with pride then got the mop and mopped up all the soap water as there was no drainage hole. I mopped it again with clean water for thoroughness sake, and then had a peek at the rest of the house.
Lo and behold, they had worked wonders. Em and Hil especially, with their inborn tidiness had made the living room spick-and-span. We beamed at each other happily and then I went to prepare my room for the inspection.
This was done rapidly as I shoved everything into the cupboard and under the bed. “Out of sight, out of mind,” I said to myself and proceeded to vacuum the room. When I had finished, I cast my eye over my handiwork and felt a sense of fulfilment surge within me. It had altogether been a fruitful morning.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
The Tans Go To The Annual Forum On House Lizards (By Invitation Only)
Perhaps, because opposites attract, Mr Tan was as fond of lizards as Mrs Tan was phobic about them. And so it was that when an invitation to the Annual Forum On House Lizards (By Invitation Only) came in the post, Mr Tan screamed for joy, because it was a prestigious honour to be invited; while Mrs Tan merely screamed, because the invitation card had a lifelike picture of a house lizard on it.
The NGO (Naturist's Gecko Organisation), which had organised the forum understood the need for family togetherness, and thus had designed a programme for the family as well. There was therefore no question about it. The Tans were to go to the Annual Forum On House Lizards (By Invitation Only).
The day of the forum dawned bright and sunny with bright blue skies and fluffy white clouds. It was a beautiful day in November. Mrs Tan sighed to think that she would have to spend it indoors talking about what she feared most. However, love was about sacrifice, and she did love her husband. The memory of his indescribable pride and joy on being chosen to attend the forum almost made up for her missing this day.
When they arrived at the venue, the forum was already in full swing. The exhibits were up, the breakfast was ready, and participants thronged the hall. Mr & Mrs Tan brought Ah Boy and Ah Girl to the Children's Activity Room and got them settled in. Then they went to the lecture rooms where the talks would be held. Mr Tan asked his wife over and over again whether she was sure she wouldn't rather join the spouse programme, but she was adamant that she would accompany him.
Renowned speakers from all over the world had been invited to this event. Mr Tan sat enraptured. He took pages and pages of notes with the free pen and notebook that he had received from the organisers. In the meantime, Mrs Tan surreptitiously pocketed all the sweets and slipped all the water in her bag, as well as all the pencils and notepaper. After all, if it's free…
After staring blankly at the speaker for a while, she reached for one of the pencils and a sheet of paper. Once upon a time, Mrs Tan had taken art lessons and had learnt the basics of drawing a face. Today, for the first time in a long time, she was inspired to draw. Surprisingly, the portrait turned out fairly well. She did a few more, and by the time it was lunch, she had captured the likeness of most of the speakers. As she sat back and observed her handiwork, she noticed that strangely, most of the speakers' faces resembled lizards.
Lunch was a buffet. Mr and Mrs Tan picked up the children from the Activity Room and went together to the dining hall. They piled their plates high with food and took a bowl of soup, a plate of salad, and a small plate of dessert, each. They sat at a table for eight because a smaller table would not hold their 12 plates and 4 bowls.
All through lunch, Ah Boy and Ah Girl chattered nineteen to the dozen. They told their parents all about the documentaries they had watched, the games they had played, the T-shirts they had printed and the plaster lizards they had painted. Mr Tan listened politely while Mrs Tan took no notice and concentrated hard on her food instead. Chew, chew, chew, and swallow. Chew, chew, chew, and swallow.
After lunch, the kids went back to the Activity Room and Mr and Mrs Tan returned to the lecture hall. Lo and behold, they had replenished the sweets! The sweets were Mentos this time. Full of glee, Mrs Tan quietly took out her half-filled box of Mentos dragees. She removed the sweets from their wrappers one by one and filled the box to the brim, then buttoned it neatly into her handbag pocket. It wasn't as if she didn't have enough sweets – she still had a large value pack that she had bought from the hypermarket 6 months ago – it was because she lived by her maxim of "if it's free, take more (even though you don't need it)".
As expected, everyone's eyelids were heavy after the sumptuous meal. Mrs Tan slapped herself to keep awake and looked around to see how many nodding heads she could count. One man caught her eye. He sat inconspicuously in a corner, his head drooping on his chest; his glasses slipping off his nose. Just as she started to draw him, the speaker said, "In summary…", and the man looked up. However, the speaker, instead of summarizing, droned on for another quarter of an hour during which the man fell asleep again.
Mrs Tan finished her sketch as the talk concluded. After a brief silence, somebody stood up to ask a question. To Mrs Tan's surprise, it was the man in the corner! She quite expected him to ask a stupid question that would show he wasn't paying attention, but a swift glance at her thoughtfully-nodding husband told her otherwise. She looked back, and began to giggle. The man's glasses had slipped off completely and hung just under his nose such that it seemed as if his nostrils were looking through the glasses. She whispered to Mr Tan, "I got one question… what is his nose looking at?" and then collapsed into giggles.
The forum ended and tea was served. Mrs Tan was still full from lunch, but the mouth-watering smell of pies and pastries was too much for her to resist. She took one of everything, and when Mr Tan went to pick up the children from the Activity Room, she held back and packed two of everything to take home in the spare Reader's Digest Magazine plastic that she always kept handy in her handbag.
A happy silence lay over the Tan Family as Mr Tan drove home at a leisurely pace of 60kmph to save petrol. They had all enjoyed themselves very much today. Mr Tan, needless to say had enjoyed talking about nothing but house lizards all day; Ah Boy and Ah Girl had had an extremely fun-filled day with lots of activities; and Mrs Tan... well, Mrs Tan never said 'no' to free food. Besides, she had indeed had a very entertaining day. For weeks after, she would say to Mr Tan, “I got one question… what is his nose looking at?” and then collapse into giggles all over again.
The NGO (Naturist's Gecko Organisation), which had organised the forum understood the need for family togetherness, and thus had designed a programme for the family as well. There was therefore no question about it. The Tans were to go to the Annual Forum On House Lizards (By Invitation Only).
The day of the forum dawned bright and sunny with bright blue skies and fluffy white clouds. It was a beautiful day in November. Mrs Tan sighed to think that she would have to spend it indoors talking about what she feared most. However, love was about sacrifice, and she did love her husband. The memory of his indescribable pride and joy on being chosen to attend the forum almost made up for her missing this day.
When they arrived at the venue, the forum was already in full swing. The exhibits were up, the breakfast was ready, and participants thronged the hall. Mr & Mrs Tan brought Ah Boy and Ah Girl to the Children's Activity Room and got them settled in. Then they went to the lecture rooms where the talks would be held. Mr Tan asked his wife over and over again whether she was sure she wouldn't rather join the spouse programme, but she was adamant that she would accompany him.
Renowned speakers from all over the world had been invited to this event. Mr Tan sat enraptured. He took pages and pages of notes with the free pen and notebook that he had received from the organisers. In the meantime, Mrs Tan surreptitiously pocketed all the sweets and slipped all the water in her bag, as well as all the pencils and notepaper. After all, if it's free…
After staring blankly at the speaker for a while, she reached for one of the pencils and a sheet of paper. Once upon a time, Mrs Tan had taken art lessons and had learnt the basics of drawing a face. Today, for the first time in a long time, she was inspired to draw. Surprisingly, the portrait turned out fairly well. She did a few more, and by the time it was lunch, she had captured the likeness of most of the speakers. As she sat back and observed her handiwork, she noticed that strangely, most of the speakers' faces resembled lizards.
Lunch was a buffet. Mr and Mrs Tan picked up the children from the Activity Room and went together to the dining hall. They piled their plates high with food and took a bowl of soup, a plate of salad, and a small plate of dessert, each. They sat at a table for eight because a smaller table would not hold their 12 plates and 4 bowls.
All through lunch, Ah Boy and Ah Girl chattered nineteen to the dozen. They told their parents all about the documentaries they had watched, the games they had played, the T-shirts they had printed and the plaster lizards they had painted. Mr Tan listened politely while Mrs Tan took no notice and concentrated hard on her food instead. Chew, chew, chew, and swallow. Chew, chew, chew, and swallow.
After lunch, the kids went back to the Activity Room and Mr and Mrs Tan returned to the lecture hall. Lo and behold, they had replenished the sweets! The sweets were Mentos this time. Full of glee, Mrs Tan quietly took out her half-filled box of Mentos dragees. She removed the sweets from their wrappers one by one and filled the box to the brim, then buttoned it neatly into her handbag pocket. It wasn't as if she didn't have enough sweets – she still had a large value pack that she had bought from the hypermarket 6 months ago – it was because she lived by her maxim of "if it's free, take more (even though you don't need it)".
As expected, everyone's eyelids were heavy after the sumptuous meal. Mrs Tan slapped herself to keep awake and looked around to see how many nodding heads she could count. One man caught her eye. He sat inconspicuously in a corner, his head drooping on his chest; his glasses slipping off his nose. Just as she started to draw him, the speaker said, "In summary…", and the man looked up. However, the speaker, instead of summarizing, droned on for another quarter of an hour during which the man fell asleep again.
Mrs Tan finished her sketch as the talk concluded. After a brief silence, somebody stood up to ask a question. To Mrs Tan's surprise, it was the man in the corner! She quite expected him to ask a stupid question that would show he wasn't paying attention, but a swift glance at her thoughtfully-nodding husband told her otherwise. She looked back, and began to giggle. The man's glasses had slipped off completely and hung just under his nose such that it seemed as if his nostrils were looking through the glasses. She whispered to Mr Tan, "I got one question… what is his nose looking at?" and then collapsed into giggles.
The forum ended and tea was served. Mrs Tan was still full from lunch, but the mouth-watering smell of pies and pastries was too much for her to resist. She took one of everything, and when Mr Tan went to pick up the children from the Activity Room, she held back and packed two of everything to take home in the spare Reader's Digest Magazine plastic that she always kept handy in her handbag.
A happy silence lay over the Tan Family as Mr Tan drove home at a leisurely pace of 60kmph to save petrol. They had all enjoyed themselves very much today. Mr Tan, needless to say had enjoyed talking about nothing but house lizards all day; Ah Boy and Ah Girl had had an extremely fun-filled day with lots of activities; and Mrs Tan... well, Mrs Tan never said 'no' to free food. Besides, she had indeed had a very entertaining day. For weeks after, she would say to Mr Tan, “I got one question… what is his nose looking at?” and then collapse into giggles all over again.
Friday, August 8, 2008
The Tans Take A Tourist Around Town
If you stood in a crowd and threw a stone, you would hit somebody whose relatives had emigrated to Australia. The Tan Family were no exception. One day, they received an email from such a relative saying that an acquaintance of his was on his way to Thailand from Singapore and would stop by in KL and could they show him around? The Tans, being hospitable like all Malaysians, immediately wrote back to say they would be happy to do so.
On the day itself, The Tans arrived bright and early outside KL Sentral station to pick up Dennis, their relative’s friend.
“Hello Lenis,” chirped Mrs Tan. “I am Mrs Tan and this is Mr Tan, Ah Boy and Ah Girl.”
“Hello,” he said, “I’m Dennis. Pleased to meet you.”
“Hello Uncle Lenis,” chorused Ah Boy and Ah Girl.
“Uh, it’s Dennis, with a D, as in Dog? And Doctor?”
“Lok?” said Ah Boy. “Loktor?” said Ah Girl.
“Uh, not quite… uh, DEN-nis.”
“TEN-nis,” said all the Tans together, as if repeating a lesson.
Dennis gave up and smiled brightly at them, “Yes, so where to now?”
“Breakfast,” said Mr Tan. “You must be hungry.”
“Absolutely.” said Dennis grinning, “Famished.”
They piled in the car and drove to the roti canai shop. Dennis was amazed by the skill of the men tossing the roti canai and aerating the teh tarik. And when the food was served, he was amazed by how delicious the food was!
During the meal, the Tans learned of Dennis’s love of butterflies, and so they took him to the Butterfly Park after breakfast. The Butterfly Park was filled with butterflies of all colours and shapes and sizes. Dennis was in the seventh heaven of delight and he took as many photos as he could. In the meantime, the rest strolled leisurely through the park, ooh-ing and aah-ing at the pretty butterflies. Mrs Tan stood out like a sore thumb however, because she inched her way along the path, ducking and dodging whenever a butterfly flew past. When one suddenly settled on her shoulder, she shrieked and clutched at Mr Tan, giving Dennis such a fright he nearly dropped his camera.
Their next destination was Crab Island. The journey to Crab Island was long and on the way Dennis managed to catch a few glimpses of Malaysian life. He loved the ease with which people of so many different colours and cultures lived and worked together; he marvelled at the highways that criss-crossed each other; he was surprised to see the number of people who swept fallen leaves into the drain; and was amused to find that what he thought was a dumping ground at first, actually had a sign hidden among the rubbish that read, “No dumping allowed. RM5000 fine”.
After some time, they reached the jetty. Crab Island could only be reached by boat, and so they climbed aboard the first ferry they saw. The journey was fairly long – 40 minutes to an hour – and so the ferry captain provided the passengers with entertainment in the form of Hokkien karaoke. Mrs Tan liked the idea. She said it was good value for money.
Before they knew it, they had arrived on the island. The first thing they noticed was the complete absence of car and motorcycle exhaust fumes. Mr Tan breathed in deeply. Dennis followed suit… and then staggered backwards, overwhelmed by the strong smell of fish. Without further ado, they proceeded to lunch at the first restaurant they saw.
The Tans wanted to give Dennis a treat, so they ordered lots of dishes; crab, prawn, fish, fish balls, local vegetables, even fried cockles! Ah Girl was in a talkative mood that day. When the fish balls came, she said, “Uncle Len… err… TEN-nis, this are call fish ball. It are ball of the fish.” Dennis misunderstood her and his face turned pale. He didn’t think he was able to stomach fish testicles, so he surreptitiously left it at the side of the plate, hidden behind the rice.
Other than that and the fried cockles, which he only took a bit of because the grey ooey-gooey-ness of it scared him away, Dennis enjoyed lunch tremendously. He especially liked the local vegetables that had been cooked so deliciously he wondered why he had ever objected to greens. He also enjoyed the crab. He had never experienced hammering away at cooked crab with pieces of shell flying everywhere. Somehow it made the crab taste better!
After lunch, they had a little walk around the village. It was a lovely little village. All the houses were on stilts and there were little walkways everywhere. There were even mini speed bumps on some of them to prevent speeding bicycles. Right at one end of the village, there was a beautiful view of mangroves. It was a tranquil sight and Dennis stood there for a while, just taking in the view. On their way back to the jetty, he noticed a skeleton of a boat in the water. “That boat is either unfinished, or quite finished!” he remarked, then laughed at his own joke. The Tans didn’t understand at all so Mr and Mrs Tan laughed politely while Ah Boy and Ah Girl carried on counting rats.
During the long journey home, Dennis told them about his travels. He had been around Indonesia before going to Singapore and he told them about how beautiful he had found the place. Unfortunately, he got cheated by the locals and even managed to witness a gang fight. He also told them about how he found Singapore impressive because it was so clean and tidy and the citizens were so law-abiding. Just then, a Singaporean car shot past them at a clearly illegal speed. As it sped off into the distance, the window came down and a ball of tissue was thrown out.
Before long, they reached Kuala Lumpur and Mr Tan drove to their residential pasar malam – the night market. There was more food! Dennis was shocked at the sheer variety of things sold there. There were vegetables and fish and fruit; clothes and shoes and knick-knacks; snacks and desserts and whole meals. The place was filled with people from every walk of life, most of them with children in pyjamas and foreign domestic helpers trailing behind. Dennis’s eye was caught by the DVD stall. The lanky youth with unnaturally yellow, spiky hair running the stall nodded at him and said, “All DVDs clear. We copy from Australia.” Then in a conspiratorial tone, “You want the special shows?” Before he could answer, Mr Tan nudged him and muttered, “Better not.”
By this time Mrs Tan had finished her weekly pasar malam shopping. She came up carrying bags of food and a packet of fried chicken for Dennis as he had mentioned in the course of the day that he liked fried chicken. Their next stop was the famous Petronas Twin Towers that Dennis had heard so much about and desired to see. He was suitably impressed by the two beautiful towers that rose to a majestic height of 452 metres and were joined by a bridge halfway up. The brilliantly lit towers standing out against the night sky made an enchanting sight that left a lasting impression on Dennis. He took plenty of photos before he reluctantly agreed that they needed to leave for the bus station.
Like all good things, Dennis’s sojourn in KL had come to an end. As he sat in the bus eating fried chicken, he thought of the lovely time he had had and the lovely people he had met. Malaysia was a great place. They had a lovely climate, a welcoming atmosphere, and the people were so generous and kind-hearted. Not once had the Tans allowed him to pay for anything, whether it was the entrance fee to the butterfly farm, the ferry ride to Crab Island, or any of the meals they ate. He leant back and sighed contentedly. He would definitely come back here again. As the bus trundled on to his next destination, Dennis fell asleep wondering why so many Malaysians wanted to leave Malaysia – it seemed quite unpatriotic of them.
On the day itself, The Tans arrived bright and early outside KL Sentral station to pick up Dennis, their relative’s friend.
“Hello Lenis,” chirped Mrs Tan. “I am Mrs Tan and this is Mr Tan, Ah Boy and Ah Girl.”
“Hello,” he said, “I’m Dennis. Pleased to meet you.”
“Hello Uncle Lenis,” chorused Ah Boy and Ah Girl.
“Uh, it’s Dennis, with a D, as in Dog? And Doctor?”
“Lok?” said Ah Boy. “Loktor?” said Ah Girl.
“Uh, not quite… uh, DEN-nis.”
“TEN-nis,” said all the Tans together, as if repeating a lesson.
Dennis gave up and smiled brightly at them, “Yes, so where to now?”
“Breakfast,” said Mr Tan. “You must be hungry.”
“Absolutely.” said Dennis grinning, “Famished.”
They piled in the car and drove to the roti canai shop. Dennis was amazed by the skill of the men tossing the roti canai and aerating the teh tarik. And when the food was served, he was amazed by how delicious the food was!
During the meal, the Tans learned of Dennis’s love of butterflies, and so they took him to the Butterfly Park after breakfast. The Butterfly Park was filled with butterflies of all colours and shapes and sizes. Dennis was in the seventh heaven of delight and he took as many photos as he could. In the meantime, the rest strolled leisurely through the park, ooh-ing and aah-ing at the pretty butterflies. Mrs Tan stood out like a sore thumb however, because she inched her way along the path, ducking and dodging whenever a butterfly flew past. When one suddenly settled on her shoulder, she shrieked and clutched at Mr Tan, giving Dennis such a fright he nearly dropped his camera.
Their next destination was Crab Island. The journey to Crab Island was long and on the way Dennis managed to catch a few glimpses of Malaysian life. He loved the ease with which people of so many different colours and cultures lived and worked together; he marvelled at the highways that criss-crossed each other; he was surprised to see the number of people who swept fallen leaves into the drain; and was amused to find that what he thought was a dumping ground at first, actually had a sign hidden among the rubbish that read, “No dumping allowed. RM5000 fine”.
After some time, they reached the jetty. Crab Island could only be reached by boat, and so they climbed aboard the first ferry they saw. The journey was fairly long – 40 minutes to an hour – and so the ferry captain provided the passengers with entertainment in the form of Hokkien karaoke. Mrs Tan liked the idea. She said it was good value for money.
Before they knew it, they had arrived on the island. The first thing they noticed was the complete absence of car and motorcycle exhaust fumes. Mr Tan breathed in deeply. Dennis followed suit… and then staggered backwards, overwhelmed by the strong smell of fish. Without further ado, they proceeded to lunch at the first restaurant they saw.
The Tans wanted to give Dennis a treat, so they ordered lots of dishes; crab, prawn, fish, fish balls, local vegetables, even fried cockles! Ah Girl was in a talkative mood that day. When the fish balls came, she said, “Uncle Len… err… TEN-nis, this are call fish ball. It are ball of the fish.” Dennis misunderstood her and his face turned pale. He didn’t think he was able to stomach fish testicles, so he surreptitiously left it at the side of the plate, hidden behind the rice.
Other than that and the fried cockles, which he only took a bit of because the grey ooey-gooey-ness of it scared him away, Dennis enjoyed lunch tremendously. He especially liked the local vegetables that had been cooked so deliciously he wondered why he had ever objected to greens. He also enjoyed the crab. He had never experienced hammering away at cooked crab with pieces of shell flying everywhere. Somehow it made the crab taste better!
After lunch, they had a little walk around the village. It was a lovely little village. All the houses were on stilts and there were little walkways everywhere. There were even mini speed bumps on some of them to prevent speeding bicycles. Right at one end of the village, there was a beautiful view of mangroves. It was a tranquil sight and Dennis stood there for a while, just taking in the view. On their way back to the jetty, he noticed a skeleton of a boat in the water. “That boat is either unfinished, or quite finished!” he remarked, then laughed at his own joke. The Tans didn’t understand at all so Mr and Mrs Tan laughed politely while Ah Boy and Ah Girl carried on counting rats.
During the long journey home, Dennis told them about his travels. He had been around Indonesia before going to Singapore and he told them about how beautiful he had found the place. Unfortunately, he got cheated by the locals and even managed to witness a gang fight. He also told them about how he found Singapore impressive because it was so clean and tidy and the citizens were so law-abiding. Just then, a Singaporean car shot past them at a clearly illegal speed. As it sped off into the distance, the window came down and a ball of tissue was thrown out.
Before long, they reached Kuala Lumpur and Mr Tan drove to their residential pasar malam – the night market. There was more food! Dennis was shocked at the sheer variety of things sold there. There were vegetables and fish and fruit; clothes and shoes and knick-knacks; snacks and desserts and whole meals. The place was filled with people from every walk of life, most of them with children in pyjamas and foreign domestic helpers trailing behind. Dennis’s eye was caught by the DVD stall. The lanky youth with unnaturally yellow, spiky hair running the stall nodded at him and said, “All DVDs clear. We copy from Australia.” Then in a conspiratorial tone, “You want the special shows?” Before he could answer, Mr Tan nudged him and muttered, “Better not.”
By this time Mrs Tan had finished her weekly pasar malam shopping. She came up carrying bags of food and a packet of fried chicken for Dennis as he had mentioned in the course of the day that he liked fried chicken. Their next stop was the famous Petronas Twin Towers that Dennis had heard so much about and desired to see. He was suitably impressed by the two beautiful towers that rose to a majestic height of 452 metres and were joined by a bridge halfway up. The brilliantly lit towers standing out against the night sky made an enchanting sight that left a lasting impression on Dennis. He took plenty of photos before he reluctantly agreed that they needed to leave for the bus station.
Like all good things, Dennis’s sojourn in KL had come to an end. As he sat in the bus eating fried chicken, he thought of the lovely time he had had and the lovely people he had met. Malaysia was a great place. They had a lovely climate, a welcoming atmosphere, and the people were so generous and kind-hearted. Not once had the Tans allowed him to pay for anything, whether it was the entrance fee to the butterfly farm, the ferry ride to Crab Island, or any of the meals they ate. He leant back and sighed contentedly. He would definitely come back here again. As the bus trundled on to his next destination, Dennis fell asleep wondering why so many Malaysians wanted to leave Malaysia – it seemed quite unpatriotic of them.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
When Ah Girl Cleaned Out Her Cupboard
One day, Ah Girl was cleaning out her cupboard when she came across her old toys - a skipping rope made out of rubber bands, a decorated ice-cream stick and a decorated eraser, as well as five tiny cushions filled with rice. As she looked at these treasures in her hands, she felt as if she was being whirled back in time to her primary school days...
"1, 2, 3, 4" chanted the girls as two of them swung the rope made out of rubber bands while a third girl skipped inside. A little way away another girl was jumping in and out of a rubber band rope in complicated patterns, while her two friends held it for her. Further on from them a third set of girls were playing high jump, skilfully using the elasticity of the rope to their advantage. Little Ah Girl sat alone under a tree. Nobody ever invited her to join and she never asked herself. Nevertheless, she knew every game by heart and practiced on her own at home.
"4, 3, 2, 1," she counted down under her breath. Brrring! The bell rang for the beginning of school. There was a mad rush as the children raced each other back to their classrooms. As they waited for the teacher to come, they got out their erasers and ice-cream sticks. It was a simple game; easy to play. The children played it with either erasers or ice-cream sticks. The aim of the game was to see who could 'eat' the other's stick or eraser, meaning the winner was the one whose eraser or stick landed over his opponent's.
Little Ah Girl was not so good with the eraser; she had clumsy fingers and couldn't flip the eraser skilfully so that it would land on her opponent's. With the stick, however, she was a champion in her own right. In the more unhygienic ice-cream stick game, only skillful spitting was required as touching the stick was not allowed. "P-uh, p-uh, p-uh". Little Ah Girl was very good at manoeuvring her stick by just angling her "p-uh"-ing direction. In three "p-uh"s, she had usually won the game.
Lessons started. Whenever the children were bored, they would play weiqi* with each other. Instead of a board and stones, they used only different-coloured pens and a sheet of paper with very small squares on it, torn out from a math exercise book. Little Ah Girl didn't like this game; she preferred to play noughts and crosses against herself. She was truly a sight to behold when she did this, however, because she would grin with delight when she won, and a split second later scowl because it inevitably meant that she had also lost. Of course, this made her very conspicuous, but as she was good at her lessons, her teacher usually let her be.
At recess time, while the children ran out to play, Little Ah Girl stayed back in class. She took out her lunchbox and her five tiny cushions filled with rice - what they called five stones or batu sembilan - and sat in quiet bliss throwing and catching them in various pre-set patterns. She had already played one round with her right hand, and was just beginning with her left...
... when her mother's voice, calling her from downstairs, broke in on her reverie. "Ah Girl ah? You finish cleaning or not? Lunch is ready!"
"Ya, ya, coming, coming!" she called back. She carefully put her treasures away into an old mooncake tin and hurriedly stuffed it back in the cupboard, then rushed downstairs for lunch.
*an ancient chinese game, more famously known as the Japanese game of go.
"1, 2, 3, 4" chanted the girls as two of them swung the rope made out of rubber bands while a third girl skipped inside. A little way away another girl was jumping in and out of a rubber band rope in complicated patterns, while her two friends held it for her. Further on from them a third set of girls were playing high jump, skilfully using the elasticity of the rope to their advantage. Little Ah Girl sat alone under a tree. Nobody ever invited her to join and she never asked herself. Nevertheless, she knew every game by heart and practiced on her own at home.
"4, 3, 2, 1," she counted down under her breath. Brrring! The bell rang for the beginning of school. There was a mad rush as the children raced each other back to their classrooms. As they waited for the teacher to come, they got out their erasers and ice-cream sticks. It was a simple game; easy to play. The children played it with either erasers or ice-cream sticks. The aim of the game was to see who could 'eat' the other's stick or eraser, meaning the winner was the one whose eraser or stick landed over his opponent's.
Little Ah Girl was not so good with the eraser; she had clumsy fingers and couldn't flip the eraser skilfully so that it would land on her opponent's. With the stick, however, she was a champion in her own right. In the more unhygienic ice-cream stick game, only skillful spitting was required as touching the stick was not allowed. "P-uh, p-uh, p-uh". Little Ah Girl was very good at manoeuvring her stick by just angling her "p-uh"-ing direction. In three "p-uh"s, she had usually won the game.
Lessons started. Whenever the children were bored, they would play weiqi* with each other. Instead of a board and stones, they used only different-coloured pens and a sheet of paper with very small squares on it, torn out from a math exercise book. Little Ah Girl didn't like this game; she preferred to play noughts and crosses against herself. She was truly a sight to behold when she did this, however, because she would grin with delight when she won, and a split second later scowl because it inevitably meant that she had also lost. Of course, this made her very conspicuous, but as she was good at her lessons, her teacher usually let her be.
At recess time, while the children ran out to play, Little Ah Girl stayed back in class. She took out her lunchbox and her five tiny cushions filled with rice - what they called five stones or batu sembilan - and sat in quiet bliss throwing and catching them in various pre-set patterns. She had already played one round with her right hand, and was just beginning with her left...
... when her mother's voice, calling her from downstairs, broke in on her reverie. "Ah Girl ah? You finish cleaning or not? Lunch is ready!"
"Ya, ya, coming, coming!" she called back. She carefully put her treasures away into an old mooncake tin and hurriedly stuffed it back in the cupboard, then rushed downstairs for lunch.
*an ancient chinese game, more famously known as the Japanese game of go.
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